"The Auvergne is a bleak, wild, windswept, cold and generally bloody miserable place that makes the Highlands of Scotland seem inviting in comparison.
The Auvergne is a mountainous area formed from extinct volcanoes. Everything in the Auvergne is built from dark volcanic rock.
The villages and towns of the Auvergne are remote, inaccessible and sinister places, possibly worse than many Welsh mining villages. The local inhabitants are also remote and inaccessible.
In the Auvergne, you can ski in winter and go hiking in summer. If you have the misfortune to live there all year round, you can get depressed, drink yourself senseless and eventually kill yourself.
I personally hate the Auvergne. If I were looking for somewhere to dump nuclear waste or start a penal colony, it would be here. There are probably areas on Mars that are more hospitable than the Auvergne.
In the Auvergne, there is actually nothing that you would want to buy. The locals live off a diet of cabbage and potatoes. The local delicacy is the “potée Auvergnate” - boiled cabbage and potatoes supplemented by chunks of fatty pork.
Nothing much grows in the Auvergne. The bleak hillsides are home to sheep and cows. There is a lot of cheese in the Auvergne, mostly hard salty cheese that will keep through the long winter months in the cellar.
Cellars are damp places and occasionally mould gets into the cheese. When my cheese goes mouldy, I chuck it out. In the Auvergne, because the inhabitants are man [sic] and never miss a chance to make money, they call their mouldy cheese “Roquefort” and sell it the world over as a “delicacy”."
C'est le top!